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Perimenopause
Jaanu Vara
When Your Body Updates Without Asking
At some point, your body may initiate a major update without your approval, and suddenly, everything about your apps feels off.
There are no alerts, no explanations, and no method to postpone it.
Out of nowhere, you're having insomnia, your tolerance is thinner than your grandma's bathroom tissue, and you find yourself frantically Googling at 3 a.m., "Is rage a hormone or just my new vibe?"
Welcome to perimenopause.
This isn't an ending of sorts or a medical crisis. It's simply a bewildering phase in which your body modifies the guidelines without notifying you.
Let's discuss it candidly, with a gentle approach and a touch of humour.
What Is Perimenopause and Why Did No One Mention It?
Perimenopause is the extended transition period leading up to menopause, during which hormones—particularly estrogen and progesterone—begin to act like erratic house guests. They arrive late, leave early, slam doors, and move your furniture around.
This can begin in your late 30s or early 40s (sometimes even sooner, just to keep things interesting) and can last for several years.
Key takeaway: Perimenopause does not adhere to rules, guidelines, or even the basic principles of physics.
Your cycle may shift. Your energy may diminish. Your patience for nonsense may completely disappear.
All perfectly normal.
Symptoms No One Warned You About
Yes, hot flashes are real. But perimenopause is much more inventive than that.
You could experience:
Periods that come early, late, or right on schedule
Night sweats that cause you to rethink every bedding purchase and possibly your entire existence. I now dress in layers as if I'm gearing up for four seasons and an emotional expedition: cold, hot, freezing, sweaty, repeat.
Brain fog so dense that you forget why you entered a room, or spend ten minutes trying to retrace your steps to find your keys—only to find them in the fridge next to your phone. Again.
Fatigue that scoffs at coffee, energy drinks, and your motivational podcasts
Mood swings with no apparent cause (like getting upset with your teenager for breathing too loudly, then apologizing ten minutes later with snacks and wild-eyed regret)
Anxiety that barges in uninvited—similar to the realization that you've left the stove on. Once again. And now you're confused about whether you're cooking or just creating new safety hazards.
Joint pain you attribute to "bad sleeping position."
A libido that either disappears or shows up like an overachiever during performance review week, which your partner can never predict—especially when he comes in for a hug, and you're radiating enough warmth to roast marshmallows. Poor guy—he merely wanted affection, not a sauna session.
Weight redistribution that feels… calculated, personal, and targeted by an algorithm you never consented to.
The "Is This Just Me?" Moment
For a long period, I believed I was simply failing at adulthood. Too exhausted. Too emotional. Too irritable. Discovering the term perimenopause felt like finally discovering the user manual. All of a sudden, I wasn't malfunctioning—I was just running an operating system about which no one warned me.
The shocking part? Many of these symptoms are dismissed as stress, aging, or "just being busy."
Spoiler: it's often hormones.
The Working World Whiplash
Now, attempt to throw all this into the workplace, where it's already an Olympic event for women to ascend the career ladder. Perimenopause introduces a new layer of complexity: job interviews morph into a game of "Did I already mention this… or am I repeating myself?" I recently entered an interview fully aware that, deep down, I wasn't going to land the job. I repeated myself, lost track of what I'd already covered, and couldn't even convince myself—let alone the interview panel. Ultimately, the position went to someone who had been performing it for years and truly deserved it. The reality is, I could have cancelled or postponed the interview, but I didn't have the strength to do so. I showed up regardless. And while it was disappointing, it also affirmed something significant: my brain was a bit malfunctioning that day—and it wasn't a personal shortcoming. Sometimes your mind goes into overdrive, only to completely forget basic information. It's like delivering a presentation while the teleprompter randomly skips slides and no one informs you. And discussing perimenopause in a professional atmosphere? Sure—let's just add that to the ever-expanding list of things women are expected to approach with grace, humour, and a perfectly composed demeanour.
The Emotional Side: Why Everyone Is Suddenly So Annoying
One of the most overlooked symptoms of perimenopause is a significant drop in patience.
Things you once brushed off now feel like personal attacks that deserve retaliation.
Loud chewing
Unnecessary meetings
Being told to "just power through."
Emotional labour you never agreed to undertake
This isn't you turning difficult.
It's you becoming truthful.
Perimenopause has a unique way of uninstalling your capacity to overextend, over-explain, or neglect your needs. Your nervous system simply states, "No thanks, we're finished here. Please exit."
Rude? Perhaps. Essential? Without a doubt.
Why We Felt Completely Unprepared
Most of us knew more about puberty than we ever did about the decades-long hormonal remix that follows.
Pamphlets existed for periods. There were assemblies for puberty.
For perimenopause? Silence.
So when symptoms arise, many assume they're just failing at adulthood rather than entering a perfectly typical biological transition.
You're not malfunctioning. You're not being dramatic. You're simply the proud bearer of a body manual that ended at Chapter Puberty.
How to Survive Perimenopause Without Burning Everything Down
There's no one-size-fits-all solution—but there are measures to simplify this phase.
Stop Gaslighting Yourself
If something feels off, heed that instinct. You don't have to "push through" hormonal changes.
Sleep Is Not Optional (Even If It's Elusive)
You might not always achieve restful sleep—but prioritizing rest whenever possible is more beneficial than you realize.
Eat Like You Respect Your Blood Sugar
Skipping meals and hormonal changes don't mix. Nourishment surpasses limitation every time.
Move Gently—but Consistently
Movement benefits mood, joints, and mental well-being. It doesn't have to involve punishment, tight clothing, or a cult-like dedication to boutique fitness.
Find a Healthcare Provider Who Actually Listens
If someone dismisses your symptoms, you have every right to seek someone else. Period.
When I finally articulated the words—"I think this might be perimenopause"—everything made sense. Not panic. Relief. Because having a label alters how you view yourself. Suddenly, you transition from 'What's wrong with me?' to 'Oh, this is a recognized condition.'
The Social Energy Shift
I don't wish to engage socially less—I just want it to be worth the energy expenditure. Now I evaluate plans as if adhering to a budget: Is this worth the emotional investment? Fewer apologies, more strategic RSVPs.
Reframing Perimenopause: The Era of Fewer Apologies
Rather than viewing perimenopause as something to endure, many find it to be a life stage.
On the other side:
Stronger boundaries
Clearer priorities
Less tolerance for nonsense
Enhanced self-trust
You might have less energy—but you utilize it more purposefully now.
That's not a decline. That's simply you levelling up your effectiveness like someone who's had enough of everyone's nonsense.
If This Feels Familiar… You're Not Alone
If your body feels foreign. If your emotions feel closer to the surface. If you can no longer tolerate burnout.
You're not imagining it.
Perimenopause is genuine. It's prevalent. And it merits conversation— with honesty, humour, and significantly less shame.
Final Thought
Perimenopause doesn't signify you're deteriorating.
It indicates your body is necessitating diverse care, a slower rhythm, and—let's face it—no compromises and no tolerance for nonsense.
It's inconvenient. It's enlightening. It's often amusing in retrospect.
And no, you don't have to go through it silently.
If this made you chuckle, nod, or feel somewhat recognized, think about sharing it with someone who's curious about why their patience vanished overnight. Sometimes laughter is the pathway to understanding.